Some days I like to think I am a good mom (so far) – that I play with my sweet Scarlette, that I let her be adventurous enough, that she is happy. I found myself in a situation today though, that I am not usually in. Let me give you my background first:
Back to today now. I was helping out a friend with an event for her business. It was a Saturday so I had Bryce stay home with Scarlette while I dressed up like I used to when I went to the office and talked with adults for a few hours. REAL ADULT CONVERSATION. Not about baby milestones or diapies while listening to the jingle of obnoxious baby toys – but about real life grown up things. I spend ALL my time with Scarlette so I REALLY miss her when I am gone. Even when I go to the store I miss her. Today was no different with the way I missed her, but for a brief moment, I thought to myself “Wow, this is really nice. I am a capable woman who can get dressed and wear makeup and nice clothes.” I felt worth something. And then I felt guilty for thinking that. I still feel guilty for thinking that. My daughter needs me and I AM worth something - especially to her. Then my mind started wandering and I started feeling mom-guilt for not doing enough for her or playing enough with her (I am VERY pregnant and I have made best friends with the couch). I was feeling really down (stupid pregnancy hormones!!), trying to figure out what I could do to bring myself back up. Then I felt empowered by the Holy Spirit. God is begging me to stop seeking self worth in other people or things. Stop seeking self worth in a career or successes. Stop seeking self worth in my child. He is begging me to start seeking my self-worth in Him. Titus 3:5 He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit When I am seeking self worth in a career, my child, or anything other than the Lord, I am saying “Look God, look what I did! Look how WORTHY I am of your love and righteousness.” God is not about that. He doesn’t care what we have done. Yeah it can sometimes feel good to do good works but it won’t ever make you feel fulfilled. You can never DO enough to feel worthy. I’ve said it before and I have to continuously remind myself – Only God can do that.
2 Comments
Terri jensen
1/29/2017 06:53:51 am
Very well said. You are doing great. Keep up being a great women,spouse,mom. You might fall but god is always there for you.
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Aften
1/29/2017 09:12:20 am
Thank you so much for reading and the encouragement Terri. You are so right: I may fall but God will always be here ❤
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Writer:Aften - mama, worker, DIYer, and lover of Jesus. Archives
February 2017
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